To start this post off on a positive note, I just want to announce that my long term disability application was approved today. As I’ve mentioned previously, the application process has been long and stressful and I’ve been living without any income or savings for several months. I’ve been planning hypothetically, based on a number of outcomes, how I was going to deal with my current financial situation and I’m extraordinarily grateful that I got the best of all the outcomes. If I manage everything responsibly, I’ll be in a great position to start moving forward with all of my financial and life plans when I return to work, rather than being in debt with no savings and having to start over from scratch.
Prior to receiving my cancer diagnosis, I often scoffed at the cost of my long term disability benefits. No more. I know that they seem expensive, but if you are ever in a situation like mine (and anyone can be), you will be terribly happy that you have them. Sometimes life throws curve balls at you and cancer can happen to anyone, even if you have no family history at all (which I don’t).
Now that I’ve dispensed with the happy news, it’s time to move on with the less happy news. As I’ve said on social media and to friends privately, my health has been declining significantly over the past few weeks. Because of this, writing has become much more difficult. My low energy levels have been sapping any desire to be creative at all. Coming up with topics to write about has become an exercise in pulling teeth and once I get started on writing something, I don’t feel attached to or interested in it at all.
And this is all okay, I expected that this would happen at some point. I think the best thing to do is to take a step back. I’m taking all of these feelings as my body’s way of telling me that I need a good, long break. I need to rest and let my body do what it wants for my last two treatments so that I can begin to recover. I’m going to focus on reading, resting and taking care of myself as best I can.
I can’t even begin to describe how happy writing has made me over the past six months. I managed to mostly keep to my schedule and write essays that I am (mostly) genuinely happy with. I am terribly proud of myself. There were a few folks in my life who doubted that I could keep up with writing for so long during treatment and I can’t tell you how happy I am to have proven them wrong.
Thank you to everyone who has read what I’ve had to say during this time. I’ve been writing for myself — just writing to write — but it’s been a tremendous boost and comfort to me to know that some of you have been reading and considering what I’ve had to say. I will always be grateful for your time, attention, and kind feedback and comments.
If I have any significant updates to share or if the mood to write strikes me suddenly, I’ll definitely be posting. Once I’m feeling better, I hope to resume a regular, if a little less frequent, posting schedule, but we’ll see. Take care, everyone!