I was going to start writing a series on my relationship with stuff and money today, but I don’t quite have my thoughts on it in order. I know I want to write several posts on this topic, but I’m not yet sure about how I want to split them up and how I want to approach writing them. I’m also a little shaken today by the Toronto terrorist attack and the relationship between the perpetrator and the Incel movement. Since the 2014 Isla Vista killings, perpetrated by Elliott Rodger, this kind of misogynistic, woman-hating violence has been terrifying to me. It drains my energy and makes me want to withdraw.
And so today I’m going to take things easy and just write a bit about what’s been going on in my life. The biggest news I’ve had to share recently, of course, is that I received the preliminary results of my latest PET scan and they’re excellent. I have very little active disease remaining and the chemotherapy is doing its job. Hopefully, if all goes well over the next few weeks, I will be having my last infusion on May 25th. And then, of course, the uphill climb toward recovery begins.
As I said in my last update, the recovery process is more than a little daunting. I had a bad wake-up call on the severity of the neuropathy in my hands a last week. I had been itching to play video games, so I spent more time than I should have playing my favourite MMO, Final Fantasy XIV, with a controller. I had horrible nerve pain in my fingers for several days afterward. I’m even more afraid of permanent damage now than I was a few weeks ago. I have to test things out from time to time, though, or I won’t able to judge my limits. I’m going to try playing for shorter periods and only a few days per week and see if I can manage that.
My long term disability situation is finally being worked out, though things were quite stressful there for a few days. The company I work for decided some time ago to switch insurance companies and the transfer will be completed at the end of April. I was assured that this would have no bearing on my LTD claim as our old insurer, who I was paying premiums to when I became disabled, would still be responsible for me. I received a call from my boss the other day that sent me into a an awful spiral. She told me that she had been informed by our company’s benefits administrator (who is a consultant) that my insurer had still not received the medical records from my doctor’s office. She implied that those records needed to be sent to the insurer before the end of the month or it would cause problems with my claim due to the transfer.
Of course, my stomach dropped into my knees and I started cursing myself for not speaking with a lawyer as soon as I found out that my employer was switching insurance companies. I had been doing my best to resolve the medical records issue (which, as I suspected, wound up being an enormous and frustrating problem) and had not been successful at getting my doctor’s office to fax my records properly. I frantically drove to my doctor’s office, basically having a huge meltdown on the way there only to receive a call from their office manager, while in the car, confirming that the records had been sent.
The next day, I called my boss and asked for a meeting with the benefits administrator. I got her contact information and she assured me that there is no problem with the transfer. She had simply been following up on my claim and told my boss that I might be able to expedite the situation if I contacted my doctor’s office and prodded them about the medical records. My boss then, without knowing what she was talking about at all, called me and gave me incorrect information and sent me into a complete meltdown about nothing. It was more than a little frustrating. I just don’t have the energy to deal with intense feelings like that right now, but thankfully my medical records have been sent in and now all I have left to do is wait for the results. I just want an answer, I’ll be okay with whatever’s thrown at me.
To finish up, I want to say that Frankie is doing very well. She’s a little small so far for a French Bulldog, but she’s finally starting to understand where she’s supposed to go to the bathroom and she’s starting to grow into a lovely dog. My mother and I were getting close to hiring a private trainer for a little while there and I know I frustrated the hell out of my old friend Deirdre (who is an awesome trainer and dog walker) with my whining, but things are finally starting to work out now. We’ve been enjoying the nice weather and she loves exploring in her yard. I finally feel like I’m in control of my own life again and I’m starting to love her the way I wanted to when we first brought her home.
I have chemo this afternoon and will be hunkered down in bed for most of the weekend. I hope you’re all well and plugging along!